apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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