While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
