dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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