Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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