Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
