A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
