my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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