in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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