Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
