We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
