im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
