All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
