Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
