paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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