o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
