yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
