So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
