mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize