What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize