he wants to bone in the snuggie
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
