idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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