yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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