hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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