Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize