He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
