she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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