i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize