wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
