Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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