have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
