She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
