Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
