I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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