I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
