He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
