i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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