Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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