Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
