he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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