need another drink. this is the easiest way
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
sex in a hospital.. check
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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