Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
this boner is exhausting
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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