Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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