i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
