dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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