Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
