her facebook's as public as her vagina
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
