he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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