Life is so much better after having sex.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
