Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
