Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You smell like stripper and shame
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
