Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
