I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
