I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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