When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
