Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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