my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize