I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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