I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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