he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
