I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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