Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
