Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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