i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
