I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
