All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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